I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
