It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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