It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize