I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
