come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
