We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
