You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
