god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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