Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
