You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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