I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
