Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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