Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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