I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
