I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
