can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Floor bacon is actually really good
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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