You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
