Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
