There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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