I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
