Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Small penises have feelings too.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
