Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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