making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
