There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i think i just lost a toe
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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