This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
