I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
