i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
