I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
