Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
