This is not my ceiling
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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