Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
