I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
