I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
