Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
