Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bring me that man meat
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
