That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
