I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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