why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want you more than these girls want KFC
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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