.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
