Say something about gay babies.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
