Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize