Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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