u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
