I hate your face
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize