i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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