did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
