your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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