I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place