dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.