Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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