Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
