im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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