I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
