okay pat passed out under dana's car
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
