new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
