I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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