There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
